Building BILLY

After learning about IKEA's brilliant business model, I knew I had to join in on consumerism; I bought myself a BILLY bookshelf. 

BILLY bookshelves sound like a good idea. In fact, for most people, they are. They come with clear instructions, straightforward assembly, and the promise of a clutter-free home. As for my experience? Well, I lost a screw as soon as I ripped the cardboard packaging open. You know how sometimes when you tear something open too abruptly, your hands jerk and the contents of that something fly all over the place? Yeah, that’s what happened. 

I thought, screw the screws—let's nail the nails. Whipping out my trusty rusty hammer, I confidently struck the nail head, except it actually hit my nail bed. Ouch.

A single tear trickled down my face and landed right on the nail head, which was unfortunate since it meant my tear ducts had better aim than I did. On the plus side, the droplet wobbled when I shifted the nail, reminding me of Jell-O. I really like Jell-O. This fleeting moment of solace gave me just enough strength to keep going, and so I soldiered on.

Thankfully, I breezed through the rest of the instructions and put together the bookshelf in under 8 hours. I might’ve peed a little bit when one of the shelf planks randomly cracked (plank’s fault), but that’s beyond the point. 8 hours is only 7 hours more than BILLY’s estimated build time. Wahoo!

Stepping back to admire the fruits of my labour, I bumped into a chair and fell forward into my precious BILLY. It was a well deserved embrace, but of course it didn’t go well. BILLY wobbled dangerously, and I felt my heart race. I clung on for dear life, hoping to stabilise the bookshelf (I am currently unemployed and cannot afford to fix the floors). I was shaking so hard I almost pronounced “DJUNGELSKOG” correctly in between sobs, even though I was trying to call for help. 

Next thing you know, I’m sprawled on the floor, but at least BILLY is upright 😌

Home Depot, will you hire me?