ARWA ABOUEL HASSAN

“My name…actually I’m too fat to have a name…

It doesn’t matter…but you know what does matter

Hunger…I will stay strong and I will not eat…

And if I do…then another cut will be added onto to my arm…

All the scars and cuts I’ve made on it…remind me of how much I used to eat

 

I went up to the scale and measured my self…

90 pounds…that’s not enough, it was probably because of that grape I ate…

I took the knife and began to cut again…deeper and deeper it went…

The only pain I felt was the weight being added on to me each day…

 

I could feel my stomach burning… but of course I won’t eat

Actually I’ll just go and do some crunches…

20…21…22…I can’t do anymore…Do I need to punish my self again…

I quickly made a cut on my stomach just to remind my self to do more crunches next time…

 

The next day I went to school ‘Fatty…the Ana girl…’ that’s all they said…

I couldn’t take it anymore, I was skinny…All my ribs showed… wasn’t that enough?

Maybe I just had to run more… or maybe I should just stay in the bathroom…

And continue on with the cutting…after all… it does make me feel better…

 

Cut after cut … I was covered in blood… as I began to go deeper I felt better…

But it wasn’t enough… I needed to end it all right there…

‘Bullied to death’ maybe that’s what they’ll say … And with that…

The knife slowly began to open my veins…It was now…over.”

 

Remember her… her name… I don’t even know her name…

The girl you’d always pick on… The girl you called “fat”

And she was the one who spent her life starving herself…

But sadly it’s not just her… they’re all trying to be skinny now…

 

But is it really beauty…

To just be skin and bones…

To starve yourself to death…

And to cover yourself in cuts…

 

But what can I say…

Her friend was Ana…

And once it’s with you it never lets you go…

So next time you’re walking around beware …

 

Because once it captures you…

You’re forever hers…

Anorexia…that’s what they call it…

Once it grabs you…you’re forever … locked.