The beam of light slowly diminished to a speck as I pummeled into the darkness. It’s funny—you never really think about your life until something bad happens. But here I was, falling, accelerating to the bottom of this hole, not thinking about my life but wondering when I would hit to bottom. I guess I really should have been trying to stop myself.
I tried.

I started to wave my arms, hoping somehow I would swim my way up away from this sea of stagnant air. By waving, I really wasn’t panicking. They were all pre-planned motions, like I knew if I followed my thoughts to the words, I would make it out alive. I wasn’t even screaming. The only sounds bouncing off the cobblestone walls were a piercing sound of air rushing out.

It was no use.

There was no way I could defy gravity. What a pointless endeavor that even came across my mind. What was I thinking that I even had at chance at her? At this? I accepted my fate; I was going to die here, without anybody knowing.

You would think this would end quickly.

But no, my freefall didn’t seem like it was ending anytime soon. I tried looking down. Nothing. There was no way to know when this was going to end. Was it the part of not knowing that scared me the most? Was it because I was falling blindly that I was completely delusional? Irrational? It was too late now. It would all end soon.

But it never ends.

Touchdown. I landed. But I was still I alive. A thunderous bang resonated, taking the place of the peaceful solitude that was once present. The frigid waters sucked the life out of me, forcing any air out. I waved my feet around hoping to find solid ground. No. The water continued on. Why? Why couldn’t this end any quicker? Wasn’t all the torture of not knowing and realizing my mistake good enough? The sound of water sloshing around was deafening. I had to end this.

On my own terms.

I submerged my head into the icy filth. Silence. It returned. I smiled. How have you been? I’ve missed you. Oh? You don’t want to talk to me? Well, you have been a great friend. Here whenever I needed you. I really want you to talk.

I guess this will do.