Dear Tori – June 2015
I’ve gotten really close to one of my friends this year and I don’t know how to reverse it. What we used to have was a great friendship but as she’s opened up and become closer to me, I see she’s a really negative influence. She constantly complains and whines about other people, which I could stand but now she’s started making those kind of comments about me and openly to me. I feel insecure around her. It’s like I can’t actually be myself or say what I believe in around her. I don’t want to un-friend her because she’ll make a huge deal and probably hate me and bully me even more, but at the same time I’ve started to despise spending time with her and I can’t sit and do nothing. I just want to move away and end all connections with her. What should I do?
Dear Helplessly Timid,
You seem to be in an unhealthy friendship that is built on routine and allowance rather than love and laughter. The first thing you have to do is take a step back.
Your happiness is ultimately the only thing that matters. No matter what you feel that owe to your friend that shouldn’t make you feel like you need to stay in this poisonous relationship.
People change. Although that’s a fact, not everyone does so at the same rate or same direction as others.
The person you or she used to be could have been perfect for the other, but as people evolve you may just not be perfect for each other anymore. And that’s okay.
You obviously are not happy and you seem to have already made up your mind that you need to end this relationship. The hardest part is to do it.
Yes it will take courage and bravery but you can do it.
Just make sure you communicate what you feel clearly and all you can do is accept how your friend reacts.
She may be extremely mad, but ultimately you aren’t happy so this is the right decision.
If you aren’t happy, your friend also feels that way but didn’t have the bravery to say so.
Negative relationships affect your behaviour and can impact your other relationships.
As you’ve realized that you need to make a change, it’s probably for the best.
Remember not to avoid your problems for any longer. You can do this!
To gathering your words and confidence, and following your heart,
Lately, I’ve been debating if the sport I love, soccer, is really worth all of the effort I put into it. My world used to revolve around it; sometimes I feel like it still does, but others tell me I should focus on school more. I love to play and think I’m talented, but at times, I doubt myself. I play on a team outside of school but I don’t get much playing time so I’ve started to love it less and less. My parents have encouraged me to try out for something else like a school team, but I’m not really good at any of them. I’m really confused about my current goals in life and really need help. I want to be a person who knows what he/she is doing in life and knows the right path to take. Your help would be much appreciated. Thanks!
Ball is Life
Dear Ball is Life,
Loving a sport, that’s great; letting that love go to find a new one, now that’s going to be hard.
Diversifying your life and trying new things may surprise you.
If you don’t enjoy playing soccer anymore, then you should go find something you do enjoy.
If you aren’t enjoying playing and getting enough playing time, then I believe that letting it go is the right thing to do.
You should live your life doing things you love whether those are the same activities for your whole life or a bunch of different ones.
Your parents are right; school teams are amazing ways to get active, involved, and social. The great thing is that many of them are easy to learn and advance at with whatever your pace of competitiveness may be.
You can also find many teams outside of school that are for various levels of all imaginable sports.
All you have to do is go and try it. Another thing you could do is switch teams.
You may be on a team that doesn’t appreciate your talent and passion. Maybe you can find a different team that will.
This appreciation will come with more playing time and you may be able to learn to love soccer again.
Whatever you choose to do, know that being unsure and trying new things, things you may not be so good at in the beginning, will open so many new doors for you.
The feeling of uncertainty, whether it’s with a new sport or a new team, will follow you for the rest of your life.
Learn to love it, embrace it, and grow from it! So don’t be afraid of the unknown because that may be your right path.
To following the unknown and finding great things,